absynthe magazine

Absynthe Magazine is a submissions-based magazine out of Trent University, Peterborough, Ontario, Canada

Trent: Still Putting On Your Dad’s All-Star Game

    Mike Kosciesza, sports There have been some changes to the NHL All-Star Game this year, and not everyone is happy. The NHL has moved to a three-on-three style … Continue reading

January 25, 2016 · Leave a comment

On Mr. Stohn, University Finances, and… Shit, Why Are There No Figures For 2014-2015 in the 2014-2015 Report on Philanthropy?

This special editorial will reappear, with additional exclusive material including an interview with Stephen Stohn, in the November Issue of Absynthe. By now, most of the Trent community has heard … Continue reading

October 19, 2015 · Leave a comment

Trent Professor: Men of Uncontacted Tribe in Amazon All Seem To Have Relatively Small Dicks

Spratt Geddit, Guest Writer A group of researchers from Trent University, under the leadership of Associate Professor of Anthropology, Phil T. Schlong, are set to publish a paper this fall … Continue reading

October 14, 2015 · Leave a comment

Harper Promises “Barbaric Cultural Practices Pipeline” If Reelected

Chex Scurvy, Politics Undisclosed Canadian Town. At an unspecified campaign stop somewhere in the ten provinces and three territories, which allowed no journalists, students, student journalists, scientists, niqabi women, unclean animals, … Continue reading

October 14, 2015 · Leave a comment

Act One: “Jenny Cleaned Her Car”

Absynthe Magazine Official Meeting September 8th: Meeting Minutes By Christian Wigglesworth, Absynthe Secretary and Poet Tuesday September 8th in the year of our Lord[1] 2015. Sadleir House. All in Attendance 3:57pm. Introductions begin and all are … Continue reading

September 23, 2015 · Leave a comment

You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Belt

Pack Rabbit, Guest Writer It’s been a tense couple of months for the scandal-ridden TCSA, but in some ways the show goes on. Disgraced, outgoing Temporary Interim Union President Fatima … Continue reading

September 14, 2015 · Leave a comment

Trent Man Mentally Breaks Up With Girlfriend 17 Times During 8 Hour Shift

Matt Flamers, campus sex & relationships A local student has finally had “the talk” with his girlfriend inside his own mind—several times, in fact. The breakthrough occurred on a typical … Continue reading

August 13, 2015 · Leave a comment

“I Woulda Given You a Ride If You Weren’t Such a Candyass” (Car Review)

John Salvatori, wheels “It’s faster bro.” When it comes to modifying cars, I like to keep an open mind. To me, it’s a wonderful form of self expression that can … Continue reading

August 12, 2015 · Leave a comment

Opus 1 (Short Fiction)

My name is Otto Eduard Hasse. I am not an actor. I am not German. The actor has not been born yet. The year is 1881. I was born in … Continue reading

August 12, 2015 · Leave a comment

Man Thousands of Dollars in Debt Saves $2.40 at Liquor Store

Flip Gunderson, student finances A Trent man with no direction in life and no hope of ever escaping his mountainous student debt has nonetheless experienced a small victory at the … Continue reading

August 10, 2015 · Leave a comment